Loved one!?!

‘I can’t believe they only visit their Mum once a week.’

‘I haven’t even met their son.’

We can be all too quick to judge when it comes to people and how many times they visit their ‘loved one’ in a care home or generally as they are getting older at home. 

We don’t know the circumstances though of anyone’s relationships. 

Lots of things can affect how often someone visits and how they behave when they are with their person.

We can often see it through the lens of our own family or friend experiences which can cloud our judgement, if we have a strong bond to our own mother or father for example. 

Everyone though has different experiences and just because a person is ill or moving towards end of life doesn’t always mean that those relationships are changed.  It could be that the person was abusive or generally not supportive. 

Whatever the reason, think twice before assuming a person is a ‘loved one’ and if you are visiting give yourself a break, sometimes you are enjoying a visit and it might last all day, sometimes just 10 minutes.  Any time you can give is always appreciated.

How many visits is enough?  How long should you stay?  It can be that people stay too long out of a sense of duty.  Sometimes small regular visits can be better than one long visit particularly if the person you are visiting has dementia and their attention span can be shortened. 

Talk to other visitor if you feel able, sharing in your experiences might be just the helping hand that they need, even if it doesn’t affect the amount or length of time they visit.